I stood off to the side near the line starting to form as people eagerly awaited their chance to board the plan to sparkly Las Vegas. Yay, Vegas. The thought had permeated my mind only the day before, causing vibrations of excitement to sizzle their way through me. Now, that thought couldn’t be further away if it was on the moon.
The world around me was blurry. I knew the people were lining up. I knew my zone hadn’t been called yet. But all I really cared about was the invasion taking over me. I wasn’t myself. I didn’t feel right. I felt downright weird. I knew something bad was going to happen. I was beginning to think it was going to happen soon. Very soon.
In times like these, your most basic, primal bodily instincts kick in. My eyes darted around frantically, landing on the restroom sign on the other side of the room. My mouth was moving, words were coming out, I was telling my husband that I would be back in a moment. I floated over to the sign, my body taking over. I was in autopilot, simply doing what needed to be done. Whatever bug was inside of me had begun it’s invasion.
Miraculously, I came out feeling like I could conquer the flight. On the plane we went. All those worries, stresses, little tidbits of things that had to be done had vanished entirely from my conscious. I don’t think anything of mere insignificance existed in my brain at that moment. We found our seats. I made sure I was prepared for an emergency, then I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes. I started counting down from ten, taking deep breaths with every count. When I reached zero, I started again. I repeated this countdown over and over until I heard my husband asking me if my music would help. Yes, of course it would. He found my earphones, really nice ones that he had bought me years ago and that I had forgotten all about until the day before, and my tiny iPod. I slid the soft earphones over my ears, clicked play, and lost myself in the voices of my favourite Rock Gods. I resumed my repetitive countdown and deep breathing.
I made it through take off. Shortly after I relocated to the back of the plan near the restrooms. I was really lucky that the plane was half empty. The bug deepened it’s invasion. It was angry. It was taking wrath on my body. I simply did what I needed to do to satisfy this crazy, angry MoFo.
Near the end of the flight, the two stewardess angels at the back of the plane helped me out with a blanket and some Gravol. I returned to my assigned seat for landing, made it through, and was somewhat stable by the time we were in an Uber heading for the hotel. Thank goodness, cause there was no way out once we were in that car packed in the middle of multiple lanes of Vegas traffic. Yay, Vegas.
The weekend was rocky. But, as life always does, if you are willing to see it, there were some amazing glimmering nuggets of gold. Breakfast at Bouchon (even if I ate like a bird compared to the normal ravenous foodie that I am). Dinner with a million dollar view in the most magically decorated restaurant I have ever stepped foot in.
Drinks after (mine was a bartender’s gingerale – bitters are glorious to the stomach) on a patio under a heat lamp overlooking the bright lights of the strip. A beer from San Diego (Sculpin) that we used to drink on the beach, on tap during the final clinch of an NFL playoff game in a lounge. Getting up to $30 on my $20 bill on the slots. Sitting on a patio, on a cozy little couch for two, watching a waterfall and catching the rays of sunshine while wearing flip flops (at home it’s boot time). These are just a few.
I guess I love that I can see them. Those nuggets. All golden and glimmering. And all of them shared with my hubby.
The bug invasion was aggressive, angry, and the least fun thing that could happen when you are boarding a flight. But…the bug invasion cleared my mind. I know that I am really good at setting goals, making plans, and pushing. Pushing until I do what I set out to do.
I also know that for years I have been trying to achieve a more balanced approach to life. My gut tells me that I can trust myself to get done what I need to get done. That I will achieve what I want to achieve. But, I won’t let myself completely trust my gut.
My gut also tells me that I push too much. That I push until I have to take a break. That I don’t insert breaks as part of my regular routine. I execute on my workout plans, my nutrition plans, my writing plans, and many other plans. But, I don’t even make a plan for nurture, self care, and rest. I do it on an as need basis.
With a clear head, I realized that if there was any nugget in the angry bug invasion, it was that I had to completely admit that I needed to add one thing to my life this year. Self care.
Is this resonating with you? Because I think a lot of us need this, but don’t do it. We take care of the to do list before we take care of ourselves. We take care of everyone else before we take care of ourselves.
But where does this lead us?
For me, I realize that I am not always able to fully participate in life because I run myself down. I get sick. I am tired. I was too busy doing to be.
So, here is to a year of adding self-care as part of life. My first step will be to revisit my new Dream Journal (a special gift from a very special friend) and get serious about my self-care plan. Stay tuned.
Love, peace, and nurture your way!